The Golden Arches of Albania

My friend Geoff asked me to get him a souvenir from Albania. Now, he didn’t ask for just anything. He wanted something very specific. He wanted a piece of merchandise from the Kolonat restaurant. Now, for those of you who haven’t been to Albania you may not have realized that the country is without a McDonalds. Some of you may gasp in pain while others whisper, “Thank goodness.” Believe it or not, the kingdom of the golden arches has not expanded to ancient land of Illyricum.

Ronald McDonald may not be present in the country, but there is a restaurant chain that may even fool him. It is called Kolonat and it is the best imitation Mickey Dees I have ever seen. Kolonat means “columns” in Albanian and with some clever maneuvering the columns of the K have been make to look strangely familiar.

On my last trip I took a picture of Kolonat and boasted about this restaurant that I had never entered. Geoff saw the picture and asked me to bring him some tangible proof of Kolonat. I gave him my word. If I had known how much trouble it was going to take I never would have done that.


According to Google maps the only Kolonat in the world is located in the capital city of Tirana. Now this posed a problem for me because I was only going to be in the city for a few hours. The taxi to the airport was leaving at 9 am. Google said that this Kolonat opened at 9 am. I remembered giving my word to Geoff and I decided I would have to go to the restaurant before it opened and look for a souvenir on the ground somewhere.

Getting to Kolonat proved another problem because my hotel was 2 miles away. I only had a few Lek left and I wasn’t about to change another $20 bill for 2000 Lek that I wouldn’t be able to spend. So, I decided to walk. I knew it would be a beautiful stroll in the brisk morning air and I was getting more and more excited about this treasure hunt.

I arrived at Kolonat at 7:30 am and Google was right, the place opened at 9:00 am. I looked inside and saw a glimmer of hope. There on the other side of the restaurant was a Kolonat employee, sweeping the floor. I hurried around the store casting my eyes on the ground for loose napkins or cups, but didn’t see anything. I’d have to ask the worker. I tried to knock on the opened glass door, but a manager came up to me and asked me what I wanted. He didn’t speak any English. I told him I wanted a souvenir. He motioned for me to go to another coffee shop that spoke English. I smiled politely and waited.


I noticed the sweeping employee had come closer to the door. I gently pushed open the door and said, “Could I have some water?” The manager came in and smiling said, “Water!” He hurried to the back of the store. I thought, “Yes! Geoff will take a Kolonat water cup!” The manager came back with a ice cold cup of water. I said, “Falamenderit” and looked at the cup. There was one word written on the side in Green ink. It said Heineken. Shoot. Pastor Geoff wouldn’t want a Heineken cup on the shelf in his office. I still didn’t have my prize.


I scanned the restaurant for one last chance and there it was, I saw it lying on the counter top. An empty burger box from Kolonat. I smiled at the manger and walked over to the counter. He said something, but I was focused. I picked up the box and turned around with a big grin on my face. “Falemenderit, Falemenderit!” I said. The manager looked at the sweeping employee and raised his eyebrows. I’m pretty sure that was his burger box. There were still grease stains on it from when he had eaten it that morning and now here in his store there was an American who was saying “Thank-you” for his trash. I didn’t give him time to think. I just walked out the store. What a prize. I gingerly held the box in my hands. It said, “Double Bacon Burger.” I knew Geoff would be happy.